The Barren Womb

I am running on low. Emotional, annoying & moody, three words that best describe me lately. I am on the edge of knowing whether or not I could possibly be pregnant this month. Tomorrow will tell unless miscarriage is in my future. This month is my last ditch effort to try anything and everything I can find. I didn't temp. but I never do it right anyway. I feel like if it doesn't work out this month then what's going on? This is bullshit. I know people go through this a lot longer but I don't care if it's 2 months of 20 months, this blows! What's my concoction for this month, that had my hopes so high but now I can't help but think it won't work. We started Femara this cycle. I was scared shit less to try it since on the label it reads "For women recovering from breast cancer." Ssssaaaay WHAT? But after doing a lot of research and having a scientist for a husband we figured out it's safe to use for cycle days 3-7 and it doesn't do me any harm unless I was pregnant while taking it, which would be stupid of me! So along with my Femara I've been taking B6, Fish Oil, Prenatal vitamins, Baby aspirin & rubbing myself with Progesterone cream. I'm just glad I don't smell like an old woman. Along with all that shit I've been avoiding sexual activity that would end with me being happy.... yay. Paul isn't too pleased either but I'll take every precaution I need to I guess. I've been drinking water like I live in it. There isn't much else I can do besides hope for the best and maybe wish away 20-30lbs of fat overnight. And since that is not gonna happen here goes my last shot at a good month. If we aren't pregnant this cycle we have to take a break because of moving issues next Fall. So I'll be taking a 3 month hiatus from baby making and focusing on losing that 20-30lbs since that might be holding me back from creating life. Where do I go after all that? I have no idea but here's to staying positive. I'll be forced to be positive this weekend even if the result is bad since my in laws will be here visiting. Joy of joys! At least I can look forward to wine if that all goes down. But I'd trade a million gallons of wine for a baby right now.