Wake up Fatty

Yep I'm fat. And no not the "I'm soooo fat I'm 5lbs overweight, pushing me to an obese 140lbs" Fuck you. I'm the "I have lost 5lbs of baby weight in almost two years & originally gained close to 50lbs." FUCK! Come on. I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean I'm lazy but I never thought I could be this lazy. Not care about myself or how I look. Not care that I had to buy all new jeans because my tank ass couldn't fit in a 9 anymore. Not care that people are looking at me like I'm young mom who really let herself go by age 23. I can't stand it anymore. I can't. It's not just me saying it here or in my head it's DOING IT. I am signing up at Snap Fitness Tuesday ( I would tomorrow but I will be in Iowa all day), I'm keeping a journal of my food and calories and staying under 1500 and I'm drinking water only (besides a sugar free red bull here & there). Looking in the mirror plays tricks on you. You think I look fine, not great but fine. NO you don't. Then you see pictures of yourself and realize I look horrible. Or you're like me and get a letter in the mail saying you are denied life insurance through my husband's company. The only two reasons I can think of are 1. Your are fat or 2. You admitted to being depressed once in your life. They can't be that strict so my guess is the weight issue. Slap in the face. But I thank you life insurance cause now you've lit a bigger fire under my ginormous ass. Thank you!