Thursday, August 6, 2009

Maybe

Maybe if I was a better person bad things wouldn't happen to me.
Maybe if I was a better mother my daughter would actually want me around instead of the t.v. Maybe if I was a better wife I could get the affection that I crave instead of being ignored.
Maybe if I loved myself people would love me back.

So fucking sick of being alone physically and emotionally. I've completely checked out today and I'm sure Jordyn can tell. All I've done so far today is clean like a psycho for 2 hours cause everything feels dirty to me. Cleaning therapy I guess. We haven't really left the house this week besides to grocery shop. Today was going to be our fun day but how can I go anywhere if I can't stop crying? So much for being a good mother. I FAIL at that every day.

5 comments:

Adi said...

if you're a bad mother so am I. My kids scream at me all day long and hit me and hate me too. I don't get the kind of attention i want from my hubbs either [getting humped all day isn't what i want!]

It'll get better in a few months ;)

Nicole Montgomery said...

Man you and I could seriously share a mind sometimes. I feel the same way. I swear right before I read this I was just crying about how I am a rotten mother. It's 330 and my kids are just having lunch, and all I care about right now is just taking a nap. I don't even want to hear them right now. As for the hubby.. Seriously, he could move out right now and it wouldn't make a difference..

Natalie said...

((HUGS)) I've been there.

Nathan Pralle said...

I have faith in you AND your abilities. It's just a cloudy day, and you're allowed. Keep heart; if you're at the bottom, looking up is a lot easier sometimes. *wistful*

Carrie said...

You are not a bad Mom! You have had a tough day, and anyone would act that way in your situation. HUGE HUGS!!!