Thursday, May 28, 2009

Here with me

Welcome to Plesantville. Population 17,000 including one tattooed mama with no friends.

This is the view from our porch. Lovely. Lonely. 2 weeks down here in Chaska. 2 weeks 6 days till my sister & mom come to visit. Minnesota is a nice state. Maybe too nice. I think I come off as a bitch just by the way I look and how I tend not to make eye contact with everyone I see. I think it's a Michigan thing to ignore others around you. I always think everyone is judging me. They probably aren't but it's not like I'm gonna strike up a conversation with a stranger in the local grocery store. That's just not me.

Yesterday at Target I found a little book entitled "Sisters". I read it thinking maybe it would be cute and I could get it for Lyndsey when she comes but it was pretty dull. I cried at the end though like a sap. I probably looked nuts. Grown woman crying while reading children's book as her toddler screams "NO" over and over, what a sight.

I think it might be time to go see a doctor. I don't feel right and I haven't for awhile but now that I am alone it's obviously worse. I wish I could snap my fingers and fix it but I can't. The only problem is we just got insurance, it's not processed yet so that will take awhile and then I have to find a doctor that will actually help me. Happiness can wait a couple more weeks I suppose.


Nicole Montgomery said...

I can so relate totally, except the not having anyone in the state part.. Just remember when you can finally see a doctor let it all out, the more honest and upfront you are about all of your emotions, feelings, and fears, the more they can help, whether it be counseling or medication or both. But you have to stay with it. For me that is the hardest part. I have no problem letting it all hang out, but I have a big problem with following through on the help. I don't know where I am going with this, just know that someone out there understands and it will get easier, and better, as long as you work for it.

Adi said...

You know, I had people in Utah and I still felt like this. I think it's the mom of a toddler blues. Toddlers suck the life out of you and it's so hard to give your life to someone who kicks and bites and hits and headbutts and screams and refuses to eat and nap and makes a huge fuss when you go out and makes everyone look at you like you're a horrible mother.

I'm right there with you. You're not alone.

Kara said...

Thanks ladies. Nicole I'm definitely going to look into it. I need to swallow my pride and stop being a baby about the whole situation. I have the problem of seeing someone and acting like everything is completely fine and then the problem doesn't get addressed at all!